Thursday, November 11, 2004
Relationship Derailment
Relationship derailment is a troubling phenomenon. However, it's time for the death of finger pointing.
I don't want to hear, "But, you don't know what he or she did!" Blame in a healthy love relationship doesn't work!
There is a payoff for everything you do. The payoff for pointing a finger at your partner and blaming him/her for your relationship condition is: you don't have to take responsibility for your share of the problem.
Relationship problems are shared problems. To manage the complexity of a stormy relationship you must accept responsibility for your share of the problem. When you can do that, the problem is half solved. Not only will this change you, it will change your relationship with your partner.
Perhaps your relationship deserves a powerful new focus.
Ideally, having a partner who understands the concept of team and the responsibility that goes with it contributes greatly to creating an greater attitude of team, which sheds light on solutions instead of keeping the focus on the problem.
True love allows for disagreements. Acknowledging when you are wrong is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.
If your relationship is off track, the cost of complacency is obviously substantial. Waiting for your partner to "come around," may prove futile. Go first. You must take the first step while you are still afraid. Doing so helps to inoculate your relationship against a relapse.
Your relationship priorities are clear now, right? Go first and do what's right! It will make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, your life work better and you will be closer to your heart's desire; a healthy love relationship.
Your comments are always welcome!
I don't want to hear, "But, you don't know what he or she did!" Blame in a healthy love relationship doesn't work!
There is a payoff for everything you do. The payoff for pointing a finger at your partner and blaming him/her for your relationship condition is: you don't have to take responsibility for your share of the problem.
Relationship problems are shared problems. To manage the complexity of a stormy relationship you must accept responsibility for your share of the problem. When you can do that, the problem is half solved. Not only will this change you, it will change your relationship with your partner.
Perhaps your relationship deserves a powerful new focus.
Ideally, having a partner who understands the concept of team and the responsibility that goes with it contributes greatly to creating an greater attitude of team, which sheds light on solutions instead of keeping the focus on the problem.
True love allows for disagreements. Acknowledging when you are wrong is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.
If your relationship is off track, the cost of complacency is obviously substantial. Waiting for your partner to "come around," may prove futile. Go first. You must take the first step while you are still afraid. Doing so helps to inoculate your relationship against a relapse.
Your relationship priorities are clear now, right? Go first and do what's right! It will make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, your life work better and you will be closer to your heart's desire; a healthy love relationship.
Your comments are always welcome!
Comments:
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On pointing fingers of blame, try this: hold your hand in front of you and point your forefinger, like you'd do shaking a finger at a child. Now take a good look at your hand and you'll see that THREE fingers are pointing right back at YOU! Get the "point"? :-)
Our propensity for blaming someone else for anything that goes wrong stems from the fear of admitting our own responsibility, therefor looking less than "perfect" in the eyes of....the very person we're blaming when it's our own fault! Now, how stupid is that? Like Larry says, admitting you're wrong is a sign of strength not weakness, and it will make us stand out from the crowd when we do it. Wait a second, that means we appear closer to perfect when we accept responsibility for our wrongs! For admitting we're not perfect! Ironic, isn't it?
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Our propensity for blaming someone else for anything that goes wrong stems from the fear of admitting our own responsibility, therefor looking less than "perfect" in the eyes of....the very person we're blaming when it's our own fault! Now, how stupid is that? Like Larry says, admitting you're wrong is a sign of strength not weakness, and it will make us stand out from the crowd when we do it. Wait a second, that means we appear closer to perfect when we accept responsibility for our wrongs! For admitting we're not perfect! Ironic, isn't it?
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