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Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q What do you do if your relationship seems to be getting boring?

A If your relationship is boring, you and your partner have but to look into a mirror to see the "real" problem!

Here are a few questions you might want to explore together. How did you allow your relationship to get to the point where you consider it boring? Do you both agree that your relationship could be better? Can you emember when it wasn't boring? What were you doing then that you are not doing now? Do you both agree that something must change for your relationship to once again be exciting? Could it be that you need to both fan the romance flame? Are you both willing to "work together" to take turns planning to do something together that might breed a little excitement back into the relationship? When will you begin?

Boring usually occurs when couples stop doing the things that brought them together in the first place. Why do we do that? Most likely it's because we begin to take each other for granted. What you take for granted disappears!

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten. Perhaps it's time to make some changes.

Here are a few ideas to enrich your relationship:

1. Turn off the TV. Have a picnic in the living room; blanket on the floor, candlelight, your favorite beverage, food, romantic music and pretend you are on a first date.

2. Do something completely out of character for both of you -- something you ordinarily wouldn't be caught dead even thinking about.

3. Read a good relationship book together, each highlighting (one with light blue and one with yellow) the parts that are important to you. When there are ideas you both consider important, the blue and yellow will make that idea appear in green. Now you know where you stand. Read the parts that are important to your partner and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

4. Find a dark, romantic bistro with great coffees and desserts and just hang out together for awhile.

5. Take a rowboat out on a lake at sunset.

6. Go to the park, spread a blanket under a tree, hold hands and just "be" together. Watch the squirrels and birds. Observe other people.

7. Take a drive in the country. Find a deserted back road, park and see what develops. You DO remember how to do that, don't you?

8. Go somewhere with HIM where you would rather not go. Perhaps a sporting event or fishing. Focus on having fun and being together.

9. Go somewhere with HER where you would rather not go. Perhaps a special play or shopping at the mall. Focus on having fun and being together.

10. Ride a city's entire public rail transit system, going out on remote branch lines, just for the fun of being together.

11. Send a romantic greeting card to your partner's office with a hand-written romantic note of your own inside.

12. Together. . . make your own list of 26 things you enjoy doing and then share your list with your partner. If you haven't been doing something that you really like to do, put it on the list. This process may take several sittings to complete if you have been bogged down in boredom. There may be a few things appear that you do not have an interest in, however do them with your partner anyway. The idea is to begin to do some fun things together. Now you have a list of 52 things to do together; enough for a special date each week for a whole year. Next, make some plans to begin to DO each one until you have gone through the entire list. Then, begin again by making another list.

You never have time to do the things you do not want to do. For things to again be exciting in your relationship, you must do something different. You must make specific plans to begin!

Use your imagination! For the "romantically impaired," I highly recommend "1001 Ways to Be Romantic" by my good friend, Gregory J.P. Godek.

Focus on having FUN together. You cannot have fun and experience boredom at the same time!

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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