Many years ago, I was where you are now. I understand your frustration and anxiety. Anxiety is your friend.
It calls attention to the options you have open; to the new choices that are available to you.
In times like these, you must first set your priorities and make some personal sacrifices. YOUR family,
not the relationship with your girlfriend, comes first. Your work is second and the relationship you have
with your friend is third.
I would guess that you must be caring financially for your daughter. You can only do that my maintaining
focus on finding work.
Your friend has requested time and space. Give it to her. Be the friend she needs. I would recommend that
you let her know that you are aware that, in hindsight, ultimatums do not work and apologize for the one you
gave her. Let her know that you love her and will be there for her when she needs you. To push for anything
more will only push her further away.
She needs to allow the law to help with her situation. If her ex-husband is in a financial position to
help her and her divorce decree dictates alimony, she should contact her attorney and pursue her legal rights
and remedies.
Just in case you both ever consider living together without the benefit of marriage, I would not recommend
it. Your home is a school. What lesson does this teach your children?
Communicate with your creditors. Let them know that you acknowledge that you are responsible for your
debts and request that they work with you. Credit counseling might help. I would suggest that you contact
your local Chamber of Commerce, look in the Yellow Pages or ask your therapist for a referral. This service
is often offered at no cost. The very worse thing you could do would be to "avoid" their phone calls, etc.
They need to hear from you no less than once each week, even if you cannot send money.
You are experiencing three of the most stressful situations; divorce, losing your job and the strain of
a new relationship. No wonder you feel that you are in a "state of extreme disarray." AND it could be
worse, however, lets not focus on that.
I would suggest spending less time being concerned about your problems and more time on finding solutions.
What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Look for the good in all of this. It may be difficult,
but when you really look, you can find it. When you can do this with regularity, your situation will change
for the better.
Focus. That is one of the keys. Focus on solutions. Commitment. Commitment to stay focused. That's
another. Discipline. Exercise discipline and do what must be done.
Additional resources: The Secret to Solving All
Your Problems and The 3 Biggest Mistakes Singles Make
and How to Avoid Them.
K - It's Q & A time!!
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