Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q My husband feels that he got married too young, feels that he now needs to be on his own to experience total independance, self reliance, etc. Is it possible to acchieve these feelings without having to leave our marriage. He knows it involves effort, but is there anything we can do before he takes the final act of leaving. We are separating for a week to give him some time to think if he wants to work at saving our marriage or move on without me.

A Getting married too young is only an opinion and perhaps even an excuse to avoid confronting the real problem. It is never a good reason to leave a marriage. We are suppose to LEARN from our mistakes, not run from them. I suspect there is a deeper problem that may be troubling him.
Of course it is possible to have feelings like this and "still remain married." Our feelings help us to discover ourselves. They provide clues and insights into who we are and often become the catalyst for re-inventing ourselves. The energy for change is inspired by the emotional honesty we express through our feelings.
A healthy, committed love partner will work on the problem, rather than hold on to being right about it and walk away. The same energy we use to stay stuck in the problem is the same energy we need to create our future. The extent to which we cling to the problem is the extent to which we are blocked in receiving what we truly want in a love relationship.
Mature love partners permit each other the freedom to pursue their individual interests and friends without restriction. This is when trust presents itself. Heart-to-heart communication requires an emotional atmosphere of caring, safety, and trust. Mature love allows this level of separateness to bring lovers closer together. In this scenario separateness is perceived as a bond. . . not a wedge. It encourages love partners to celebrate their own uniqueness.
When he is willing to talk. . . be a committed listener! Express no "Yeah, buts. . ." Only listen. Patience and understanding are a virtue. Anyone convinced against their will is most likely to continue to hold on to THEIR opionion. If you push for a quick answer. . . you may push him out of your life. If he requires time and space, give it.
Therapy is always a wise choice. I suggest that you both look for answers TOGETHER in the presence of a professional therapist. Perhaps the REAL reason may surface. Then you can both work on a solution together.
Two love partners, standing firm - together - can accomplish anything the two of them desire. The creative movement of mutual commitment can produce anything; joy, peace of mind, more love, great sex, understanding. . . anything! The unity of two, in agreement, does the work of angels.
Additional resources: . . . And if All Else Fails?

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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