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Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q I am 22 years old and she is 19. We have loved each other since she was 16. When she turned 17, she had to move with her family to another far-off city until now. Each year I just can visit her 2 times.

One month ago she told me that she didn't think our relationship can go on due to the long distance and family disapproval. Besides, she said the long distance has made us almost strangers and we don't know each other as well as before. When I heard her say that on the phone, I lost my control and say some things that hurt her very much (Though I didn't mean to since I love her very much and don't want to lose her.) Since then every time I called her somebody tells me she is not at home.

Then she wrote me a letter saying that we are now over and that I should not call or write to her until I only consider her as a friend. I don't know what to do now.

I have thought of our relationship very much. Only now do I realize that recently, for many reasons (being busy, long distance) I haven't cared for her as much as before. For example, we still e-mailed each other every day but I didn't often tell her much about my personal life. I thought our love would last forever but now I see perhaps I have made her feel that I took her for granted, though I didn't realize it.

I know that my words have hurt her and I want to beg for her forgiveness, but I don't know how. I don't dare to ask her to give us a chance as lovers since it seems impossible now. All I wish for now is how to get her to forgive me.

As Christmas approaches, should I write her a letter and how should I write? For example, should I tell her, since she asked me not to call, that I'm longing for her call saying she has forgiven me? Or on Christmas Eve should I call her? If I told her that I'm sorry for taking her for granted, would it help or it's better that I shouldn't tell her that thing?

A You don't get it. It's over. She's moving on and so should you. If you insist, write a letter and tell her you're sorry it didn't work out and that you wish her the very best. That's it. Now move on.

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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