Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q We both work. We have two wonderful children, 14 and 16. We are both very tired when we get home and that's when my second job begins, e.g., preparing supper, and all the other chores that must be done to complete the day. He grabs a beer and heads for the couch and expects me to call him when dinner is ready. I'm getting tired of it. He does virtually nothing to help. What can I do?

A Where is it written that a man should have only one job and a woman two? Housework is not just the woman's job!
If your husband feels that it is solely your responsibility to go about cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking care of the children, feeding the pets, emptying the trash, washing the clothes, getting the groceries, planning and cooking his dinner, all with great gusto he is dead wrong!
For a relationship to work, BOTH partners must give 100% all the time! It's never easy and it's possible. Taking care of what needs to be taken care of is a SHARED responsibility! Relationship enrichment can only occur when both partners work together.
If you have been with this man since your children were born, you must take your share of the responsibility for how you have trained him to be. Your oldest is 16. That's a long time to wait to begin to re-train your husband.
You must talk with him NOW! To not do so, will only cause the irritation to develop into something that resembles resentment, anger, etc. One or more of those feelings most likely prompted your question to me. ONE cannot do the work of TWO. It's time to work TOGETHER! Remember, your husband cannot read your mind! AND if your partner isn't paying attention, he won't see the danger signs. Point them out!
Have an open and honest conversation with your love partner about how (fill in the blank - use your own words) causes you to feel! Never be afraid to say what needs to be said. Choose your words carefully, say them lovingly and without making your love partner wrong! You may want to practice with this a bit before you do it. It is essential to remember that no matter how correct your choice of words, the feelings behind your words - or tone of voice - counts most! Talk about your feelings!
Talk specifically about what you NEED him to do. Be helpful and make a list of things he must do to do his share of the work around the house. Many women resist this, thinking that they shouldn't have to make a list, he should know, etc. Men don't know! Most men haven't a clue about all the work you do! So, I encourage you to help him in this way. Men often work better from lists.
If he's smart, he'll begin to learn that foreplay begins with taking out the garbage without being asked.

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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