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![]() NOTE: November and December are months that typically bring to mind family and friends. It is often a difficult time for people who have lost a loved one through death, divorce or separation. The following suggestions will help you to focus on giving the gift of happiness, not sadness, first to yourself and to your friends during the final days of this year. Got the Holiday Blues? Phone a friend! - Larry James Rx for the "Holiday Blues"
Updated December 19, 2008
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| Holiday gift baskets are the perfet remedy for the holiday blues. Gift baskets make great gifts for all types of holidays as Hanukkah gift baskets and Thanksgiving gift baskets. Holidays are the perfect time to teach children about religion. | (Advertisement) |
16. Be Santa Claus or Mrs. Claus to others this year. Run an ad in the local paper. Rent yourself out or do it for free. One year I played Santa Claus to a family whose father had lost his job. The children were not getting any toys for Christmas that year. My friends bought gifts for the children and I delivered them dressed as Santa Claus. When you bring joy to others, a little of it always stays with the giver.
17. Catch up on your ZZZZZZZZZZs! Take care of yourself - get more sleep! A recent survey by the Better Sleep Council reported 51 percent of Americans say stress disturbs their sleep. Unwind early in the evening, cut down on stimulants and follow other tips at www.SleepFoundation.org.
18. Treat yourself to a pre-holiday pampering. Play a round of golf. Schedule a full-body massage. Maybe you've always wanted to go to a football game on Thanksgiving Day, perhaps you always dreamed of caroling on Christmas Eve or hoped to host a Kwanzaa feast. Now is your chance to fulfill your holiday wish list. Do something special for YOU!
19. Can't find any humor in the holidaze? Do something to make yourself laugh. Rent a funny video. Laugh. Use humor to transcend your stressful situation. Read some jokes at: www.CelebrateIntimacy.com, www.WhichIsWorse.com or www.Bored.com.
20. Plan ahead. Get ready for next year now. Create a holiday file, adding articles, jokes, and ideas that you'd like to try and jotting down what worked and what didn't. Recycle holiday cards to preschools and children's hospitals for art projects.
21. Take a long walk in your own neighborhood. Leave the cellphone and pager at home. Ahhh! Some time to myself! Check out the Christmas decorations. Let your senses soak in the sights, sounds and smells of the season. Rekindle that childhood feeling of innocence and wonder. Touch the soft bows and cuddly bears. Smell the scent of pine and apple cider. Taste the delicacies; savor them instead of scarfing them. Stop to reflect in front of the lights - be they in the shape of a star or a tree or a Santa figure - they are all beautiful and fun! Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that clears your mind, slows your breathing and restores your calm.
22. Imagine what your ideal holiday would be like. Determine your goals for this holiday season and keep them in the forefront of your mind. Curl up on the couch with hot chocolate and a warm blanket as you make your plans. Everything you do should be weighed against these goals. Choose only to pursue what will nurture your image of a wonderful holiday.
23. Pay attention to your breathing. Breathe deeply. Sit tall, with your pelvis tucked, shoulders, back and chin up. Inhale for three seconds, hold for three, exhale for three and hold for three. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Leave out the holding part if you have cardiac problems. Repeat for two to five minutes and do several times each day, especially before going into a stressful situation. Gradually, increase the number of seconds. Take care of YOU!
24. Consider attending a holiday dance or "mixer" event just for singles. You never know! You just may end up with a budding relationship, and the least you'll find is a night of fun. Consider going with another single friend. That way, you will both have someone to talk with, laugh with and stay occupied, without fixating on the awkwardness you may feel when other couples snuggle and dance.
25. Be proactive. Call up other people who might be on their own and arrange a holiday dinner, agreeing to split the meal preparation duties. Lots of singles look forward to their "orphans' Thanksgiving or Christmas" each year, celebrating with old friends and new ones. Don't wait till the last minute to invite them. Don't assume that everyone you know will be busy throughout the holidays. Even if they have family commitments, they still might welcome the opportunity to escape to spend some time with you.
26. Take a hike to that trendy eatery you've been eyeing for a while, or stop by the deli counter at the supermarket and try some interesting ethnic dishes. Buy a great big steak and your favorite bottle of wine and savor both. The holidays are synonymous with good food, so why not enjoy it, even solo?
27. If you've found yourself stranded this year, that doesn't mean that you have to stay home alone. Do what you take pleasure in but never seem to find time to do. Go online and book yourself a last minute cruise or resort vacation with Thanksgiving Day or Christmas tucked into the middle. One of the great things about being single is that you can get up and go whenever the spirit moves you. Take advantage of any extra time off and have some fun. If the Bahamas or Paris have always been on your list of cities to visit, why not do so now? Or if you want to do the local thing, just book a room and disappear in a downtown hotel. Play tourist, enjoy room service, relax and unwind.
28. Set aside some time to catch up on your letter writing. Reach out to family and friends with letters - individualized letters, not the massive, generic, carbon copied e-mail. It is always good to express love and show appreciation. Write words that make their spirits bright. No "poor me, I'm alone" dialogue. Make your missives uplifting, positive and choose your words carefully. Swipe a few special words from a greeting card that may help to express your feelings.
29. Relieve a Caregiver! Spend a few hours with someone who needs care - thus providing respite for the primary caregiver. By doing this, the primary caregiver will have an opportunity to relax, shop, and take care of personal needs.
30. Single parent? You may be facing an upcoming holiday during which you will be alone. Most parents have arrangements in which they share or alternate holidays with an ex-partner. When it is the other parents turn to be with your child on a holiday, you may wind up feeling depressed, sad and blue. This year, take the holiday by the horns and banish those bad feelings.
31. Take time out for spirituality. Celebrate the religious significance of the holidays. The holidays are first and foremost a time of spirituality and recognition of special religious events. They are about finding something spiritual and wonderful about yourself, your life, and the people who fill it and make it special. You might attend services just to experience human contact and community. Often this may be a good time to renew your spiritual beliefs and spend more time in contemplation of spirituality. It can be an important aspect to understanding your life, your motivations, and your relationships with others. Be in the presence of others as they worship and sing praise to God. Ask them to pray with you and for you.
32. Don't feel you have to everything as you did in previous years. It's perfectly fine to let family and friends assist you with shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping gifts, delivering, and many other details connected with holidays. If being in crowded malls with festive shoppers and holiday music playing promises to be upsetting, then don't go. Some families do all their shopping via catalogs and the Internet.
33. Get around to projects you've been putting off, such as making a scrapbook of last year's vacation mementos, painting the bathroom or refinishing that antique dresser Aunt Sally left you. Organize your your CD or DVD collection. Find mates for all your single socks. Purged your Christmas card list of all those who never stay in touch. Most likely you'll find the process meditative, and you'll have lasting results to show for your efforts. This holiday season, treat yourself to some tranquility and renewal. . . or whatever matters most to you.
34. Capture those Kodak moments for friends. Bring your camera to take photos of the gathering, then send copies or printouts to the your friends soon afterward. It's also a good way to be actively involved in the group.
35. Accept invitations that come your way, even if it means going solo. When people ask about your plans, don't create a fictitious family gathering out of embarrassment. Be honest and say you don't have any plans. With any luck, someone will issue a sincere invitation for you to join them for a holiday meal or special outing. You might just have a good time and won't know unless you go.
36. Invite families of service men and women into your home - especially those alone and with loved ones away on foreign soil. Buy them a pre-paid phone card and invite them to call their loved ones. Or give them a pre-paid phone card to send to a serviceman or woman (Call back to the U.S. from U.S. Military Bases worldwide for 6¢ a minute). Remember our Men and Women who won't be by our sides this Holiday Season. They will always be in our hearts and minds.
37. Reach out to natural disaster victims. With all of the natural disasters that have happened recently, there will be hundreds of families who would appreciate being invited to share a holiday meal with you. Contact the Red Cross. They'll know where help is needed.
38. If Thanksgiving or Christmas is not your holiday, offer to cover a shift for a co-worker who would really appreciate the time off.
39. Give yourself the gift of self-care. Take a "time out" from the hectic holidays and treat yourself to a personal spa. You deserve to be pampered. Make it a party for one! Be nice to yourself. Spoil yourself with comfort. Unwind. Think. Enjoy! The holiday season often is extremely draining, because all of those extra activities require additional time and energy. Take a bubble bath. It is important for you to take good care of yourself during the holiday season - consider this the most valuable gift you can give yourself.
40. Grab your toolbelt, pick up your hammer and contact an organization like Habitat for Humanity (www.Habitat.org). Many of these organizations host volunteer trips to Third World countries during holiday breaks.
41. Reach out. Call friends or family "before" you begin feeling a little lonely. Don't wait for them to call you. If there has been some distance or strain in the family's relationship, now may be a good time to take the first step and call. Make the conversation light. Don't dwell on the past.
42. Get a new haircut or style. Make yourself feel good by looking good. No matter if you're a man or a woman, a new "do" will do wonders for your holiday state of mind.
43. Put up a Christmas tree, hang some lights. Even if you're the only one who's going to see it, take the time to decorate your home. Tune into all those wonderful traditions you grew up with. Send out cards. Make Christmas cookies. Do it for you!
44. Volunteer to help prepare and serve food at at local soup kitchen. Donate sacks of food for the hungry and homeless. The homeless also need donations of clothing for children and adults.
45. Many international students, who have traveled thousands of miles to come to the United States may not have the money to travel home for the holidays. Contact a local college, university or foreign-student center and invite a few students over for a special holiday dinner.
46. Baby-sit for neighborhood children or children of family friends on New Year's Eve, or offer to baby-sit while the parents go shopping.
47. Locate a battered women's shelter in your area and help to create the holiday spirit for them. Recruit other solo friends to prepare food, decorate the tree, and spend time with them. Solicit a number of local supermarkets to donate food over the holidays to the local shelter that houses mothers and their children who had left abusive husbands. Regift some of the gifts you have no use for. Read to the children in the shelters and hold hands with the lonely and confused.
48. Give yourself the gift of restraint. Excessive materialism has serious consequences. Stick to a budget. Do not rack up credit card debt while getting sucked into the vortex of the season's commercialism. Don't spend money you don't have. Overspending during the holidays on gifts, travel, food and entertainment can increase stress as you try to make ends meet while ensuring that everyone on your shopping list is happy. Singles often try to make up for being alone by purchasing expensive gifts for friends.
49. Adopt-a-Shelter. Families in shelters are forced to neglect Christmas presents for their children due to lack of funds, and some shelters exist for children who have no families at all. Recruit single friends for this project.
50. Provide a special service for an older neighbor. Scout the neighborhood door-to-door. Ask for referrals to single neighbors. Cook a meal, perform minor home maintenance and repair, do laundry, change a light bulb, do whatever needs to be done for an older neighbor who is spending the holiday alone.
51. Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even when they don't live up to your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for fixing relationships. Be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are, they're feeling the effects of holiday stress, too.
52. Rewrite "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Remember the old Christmas Carol? Rewrite "twelve days" to suit your holiday plans. That is, plan twelve special days just for you. Make sure the days include time with your immediate family and special friends. Not only will you have plenty of fun deciding how to spend your days, you will also ensure that there is time for you (and any children).
53. Be careful of "shoulds" - it is better to do what is most helpful for you and your children. If a situation looks especially difficult over the holidays, don't participate.
54. Have a humorous gift exchange at your holiday party. Decorate your Christmas tree with a humorous flair. This works great to create a healthy humor climate within the group and helps them view the holidays in a positive way. Start a humorous holiday tradition. Save the holiday cards you receive this year and "recycle" them next year. Just cross out the sender's signature, sign your name, and mail it back to the person who gave it to you. Remember the true sprit of the holidays. Tis the season to be jolly! Decorate your face with a smile and share it with others.
55. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk to a relationship coach. Larry James is available for coaching by phone or in person during the holidays - often on short notice.
56. Try out holiday activities from other traditions. Celebrate with a friend from another faith. Sample what the world has to offer. Expand and allow yourself to be touched. Are you curious about other holiday traditions? Research Hannukuh, Kwanzaa, Christmas, or ancient beliefs from another tradition. They might change how you celebrate your own holidays.
57. Take stock of the traditions you already have. You may not even be conscious of all the things you do during this time of year - going to the same places, cooking the same foods, where you shop for presents, how you decorate your space. Make a list of everything you do. Awareness is the first step to creating the holiday you want.
58. Copy and share this list with other single friends. Send them an e-mail with a link to this page.
Seasonal hype leads us to believe that the only way to achieve holiday happiness is by spending time with family and loved ones. There's so much hype for this wonderful time of togetherness that it accentuates the feeling of being alone and disconnected.
Experts warn against the notion that without an idyllic holiday, there is something terribly wrong. The holidays can be joyous if you're alone, or they can be difficult. The truth, however, is that it's all about your attitude. Being alone does not have to mean being lonely.
The ability to enjoy time alone is a number one necessity for being in tune with your own feelings and taking care of yourself. If you can not enjoy time you spend alone, then you may not be as well adjusted as you might think. You should be able to have time alone without feeling rejected or lonely. The overcoming of loneliness and appreciation of alone time is the ultimate goal.
Look around your community for events celebrating the holiday - church services, community get-togethers, civic events, 12-step groups, single parent gatherings - many have special events for singles over the holidays. Don't be afraid to go alone.
You are not alone. You may be tempted to think of yourself as Ebenezer Scrooge. Don't. One of the most difficult things about being alone during the holidays is the thought that the rest of the world is having a fabulous time with their families. Consequently, one of the most comforting truths is that there are countless singles in your shoes.
You may find your mood improves when you're in the company of special friends and favorite relatives - especially those who accept your full range of feelings and don't put pressure on you to be other than who you are. So seek out people who make you feel better, and avoid people who contribute to bringing you down.
Got the blues? Make them temporary. Scream into a pillow or rip up newspaper if it will make you feel better. Then focus on what you can be doing to make your spirits bright, instead of what other families are doing.
The first step to enjoying a stress-free holiday season alone is to recognize that no one else is responsible for making your days merry and bright. There are lots of worse positions to be in than "on your own," so get into the spirit of the season and celebrate.
Don't depend on someone else to make your season bright! You alone must do whatever it takes to do that. Have fun. Create some new memories. Defy tradition and start a new one. There are lots more fun ways to do this. Have a brain-storming get-to-gether with a few of your friends and together create a list of fun seasonal things to do.
The real secret of the holidays and Christmas is that the love and joy of the season is about the love and joy we can choose to share with one another. You and the love you have to give are what make this world special.
Enjoy the life you've made and the future life that is open to endless possibilities, limited only by your own imagination.
Do things a little different this holiday season. Enjoy your Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or New Years eve. Celebrate them all. It might just start a whole new tradition.
Now. . . get busy!

Copyright © - Larry James.
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NOTE: Need someone to talk with to help you through the holiday season or at any other time of crisis? Talk one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article. You are invited to arrange for a private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching for specific details.
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Larry James
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