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Keeping Romance Alive

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., Guest Author

During Valentine's Day we are given permission to be as fanciful, romantic and mushy as we like. This is a time when the doors are clearly open to express what we are feeling in many ways. Gifts are given, flowers are sent, poems read and written. This is a time dedicated to love. While throughout the year we can easily wonder what we mean to him, or what he's really thinking, on Valentine's Day, we find out for sure.

The truth is that men and women both love and need romance. So many complaints about stagnant relationships blame it on the lack of romance. The surprising truth of the matter, however, is that it's easy to keep the romance in your relationship, and in your life alive. All it takes is a little time, attention and the creating of traditions that are special to you.

This year, it might be fun to start new, romantic traditions that are especially meaningful to you. When we start a tradition of your own, it has extra power and strength. The value of any tradition is that it carves out a space in time, forces us to stop what we're doing and brings our attention to whatever the tradition is dedicated to. Romantic traditions help us create the magic, fun, excitement and beauty we all long for.

Here are some suggestions for some new things you can do to not only make your Valentine's Day more special, but that you can do at points during the year to keep romance alive.

1.  Make Your Own Greeting Or Gift

It's easy to buy a card or gift in the store, but it is very special to take the time to make your own. This will have much more impact as it will be coming straight from your heart and therefore will go straight to the heart of the person you are sending it to. Just the fact that you took the time to stop and create something so personal for them is a gift in and of itself. Most likely they will cherish it and also realize how much they mean to you. The very act of doing it will also open your heart more and show you what you really feel.

2.  Plan a Special Outing With The One You Love

Taking time away from our usual environment and routine to go somewhere different and create quality time together is a wonderful way to keep romance alive. It is so easy to get caught in the routine - the usual way we do things and places we go, that it is tremendously refreshing to change our patterns, take time out,and experience something new together. This creates a sense of adventure and brings freshness to the relationship. And taking time away together is a clear way of saying that you are important to me, I want us to be together. I value you.

3.  Share Your Love With Others

Take some time on this Valentine's Day to share your love with others. There are many who would benefit from this.Go to a foster home, and bring little gifts or cards to children. Call upon children in the hospital, or visit any others who may be alone this year. As you do this together, the bonds between you and your romantic partner will certainly deepen and grow. Remember, Valentine's Day isn't only about love for your partner, but for all people, including parents, siblings, friends, and extended family. Broaden your definition of those you love and those who you are willing to give your concern to.

4.  Express Your Creativity

Most of us have hidden talents that we may have been afraid to express up to now. But the more creative we are, the more willing we are to open up to what's inside us, the more romance stays alive in our lives. For this Valentine's Day, write, and read a poem of your own to others, write and sing a song, paint a painting, make a collage, do something new and creative and share it with those you love. Creativity is the well spring of romance. It is the way in which we are able to find new and joyous ways to live and share who we truly are.

5.  Learn And Practice The Simple Laws Of Love

There are simple laws of love, which, when learned and practice Insure that the romance in our lives is kept alive. They are enjoyable and easy to follow, once you get the gist of it. They may seem difficult in the beginning, but that is only because you are not used to them. Practice one or two laws at a time until you get the gist of it. After even a short while you'll be amazed to see how different you feel.

The first two basic laws, (which work together) are my Valentine's Day Gift to you. Start practicing them right away. You have nothing to lose except your sorrow. You will certainly find yourself more fulfilled, the more these laws sink in.

Law #1  -  There is never a lack of love. Love is always available, every moment, wherever you are.

Most of us feel deprived of love, as though we must search and wait for the right person to come along in order to be able to feel close. But the simple truth is, love is everywhere, it is only your own negative beliefs and images keeping it away. When we refuse to give our love to others, it is we who are busy closing our hearts and keeping love away.

Law #2  -  When there seems to be a lack of love, it is only that you are keeping it away.

To start working with these laws, whenever you feel lonely, deprived or rejected, tell yourself that there is never a lack of love. Love is always available everywhere, especially inside of you. Then stop and realize, you can always open your heart. You can give to others the love you have been longing for. When you do this, not only do you feel better, but love from others soon comes streaming back to you.

Exercise: Look around and see who is right there around you. Find something positive about that. Become aware of your negative judgments of them and let them go. Become aware of the distance that you are creating between the two of you by your own thoughts. Now, find something else positive them. If you feel you can, tell them. (This step make take awhile to do. It is not absolutely necessary in the beginning, just finding something positive is a great help as well).

This action of finding something positive about another person, and letting go of negative, judgmental thoughts about them, is in itself an act of love. It is a way of exercising our love giving-receiving ability, strengthening our muscles and seeing the beauty in everyone.

Copyright ę - Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. Reprinted with permission. - Dr. Shoshanna is the author of, What He Can't Tell You... and Need to Say: Intimate Conversations With Men, Why Men Leave and Zen Miracles. Visit her website at

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What He Can't Tell You... and Need to Say: Intimate Conversations With Men - - Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. - The common myth is that men don't like to talk. The truth is they don't know how. They've been conditioned to leave the emotions to women. Dr. Shoshanna has persuaded a wide range of men from all walks of life to open up and speak their minds on: living up to-and living down - the stereotype of "Real Men", the need for male bonding, sexual fears and apprehensions, what their jobs and careers symbolize, the importance of spirituality, what being in love means to them, and who they really are and what they really want from a woman. Women will finally get the answer to the question, "What is he thinking?" And, more importantly, they will learn techniques for opening up the lines of communication so they won't have to wonder any more. What He Can't Say
Zen Miracles Zen Miracles: Finding Peace in an Insane World - - Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. - This wonderful book brings East and West - and ancient and modern worlds - together and provides profound wisdom and guidance for anyone struggling with stress, anxiety, anger, fear, or loneliness. Beautifully written, funny, warm, and filled with unusual, wonderful exercises.

Send someone you love a FREE e-Valentine card. . .

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