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Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q I've been dating the same man for 3 years. He has a daughter, I have 2 children. As hard as I try to blend the two families, he resists. Now he wants to marry me when I'm ready to walk away.

He is closed off emotionally and as women do, I thought I could fix it if I gave more he would start giving back. I do too much for the men in my life and am terrified that I'll make another mistake by marrying someone in hopes of fixing the problem.

The thing is I'm self-supporting, have a great job, good attitude, love life. This guy brings me so much sorrow and pain yet I can't seem to walk away. I don't want to hurt him yet am losing myself trying to hold all of this together. A friend has a guy she knows would be perfect for me yet I am too afraid to turn away from where I am.

I love him, we have great times as long as we do what he wants. I love to dance, he refuses. He races cars and hunts. That's our time together. More recently I had hoped for a romantic Valentine's Day weekend only for him to agree to keep his kid for his ex-wife and her boyfriend so they could go away for the weekend. At least someone had a romantic time.

My children really like this guy and are pushing me to marry him. As I approach 40 I don't want to be alone forever but when do you say enough is enough? Is there any chance of saving this one or do I just let it go?

A "I don't want to hurt HIM?" You've got to be kidding! What about YOU?

He's self-centered, disrespectful and insensitive to your needs. It's a shame you have put up with this for so long. This says an awful lot about what you think of yourself. (If the truth hurts, you should be grateful.)

Think about it. If this man causes you so much pain right now, can you imagine what a marriage to this jerk would be like?

Walk away from this one. This relationship has been over for a long time.

Give up dating for awhile. I'm sure your friend means well, but you need some time to "work on you." You do not need another relationship right now. You are only 39. Life is just beginning for you. Don't listen to your children on this one. This is YOUR life. You must demonstrate to them that you can make wise choices.

Your home is a school. What are you teaching your kids?

One of the reasons you feel you cannot walk away is because this relationship had drained you of all self-respect, self-confidence and love for yourself. You've been giving, giving, and giving without receiving much of anything from him.

It's time to focus ALL of your energy on yourself. You must work to retrieve the relationship you have with you. You are fortunate to -- in your words -- be "self-supporting, have a great job, good attitude, love life."

My suggestion is that you get busy creating a life you can "really" love. I'd question the attitude of someone who stays in an emotionally abusive relationship.

One cannot do the work of two. You know the relationship is over when one partner refused to work on the relationship.

You can love someone and not be with them. It takes no strength to let go. . . only courage. Just do it!

Additional resource: New Beginnings! What to do!.

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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