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Frequently Asked Questions

All questions are answered by Larry James. When you are finished with this page, follow the links listed after the Q & A to go back to "FAQ Topics" or to read the "next" question and answer.

Q I am seeing a man that I met a little over a year ago. I was immediately drawn to him, but I knew he was in the midst of separating from his wife. I waited and asked him out 6 months later and we've been together just about everyday since then. Things seem to be going wonderfully.

I have no problem with the difference in our age (he's 49, I'm 28). We have so much in common. we laugh and enjoy each other so much. So what is the problem?

He has the kids (whom I get along fine with), is living on a frugal budget and can not afford to get a divorce. His wife is not willing to file for the same reason.

I am completely in love with him and I do not doubt that he has feelings for me. He tells me so, though he does not say he is in love with me. I think he is scared, which I understand. I can't help but think he loves me because everything he does tells me he is in love with me. That is, through his actions, the way he touches me, the time he wants to spend with me.

Am I fooling myself? How do I know he loves me? Any advice would be most helpful.

A He's married. You are dating a married man. You are "really" fooling yourself.

Think about this: What are you afraid of? He may be separated from his wife, but he is still married and until he decides to divorce, he is unavailable for dating. That's pretty safe for you, eh? As long as he is married, you don't have to worry about commitment. This tells me a lot about what you think of yourself.

Why would you want to date someone who is married and incomplete with his current relationship? Talk about baggage! He's got it. I'm sure that upon careful examination by you, you have experienced some of the issues he had and may still be having with his wife.

If you are sleeping with him, here's something else to think about. He has yet to tell you he loves you. Perhaps he is in "lust" with you. If it were me, I would be feeling a bit used by now.

It is a colossal mistake to date a married man. Further, it is an unhealthy relationship to be in. His mistake is to date you before his divorce. Can you imagine the lessons he is teaching his children? How can you be a part of that?

He needs to be alone for awhile, love and spend time with his children and to work through the issues that were a cause of the separation. He also needs to accept full responsibility for his share of the problems he and his wife experienced. He cannot appropriately do this when he is in another relationship with you. Time needs to pass before he dates anyone. Healing takes time.

Stop dating married men. Tell this one you care, however you know it is wrong and until he is divorced, you will be dating others. I'm sure there are many eligible "single" men available to you.

Additional resource: The 3 Biggest Mistakes Singles Make and How to Avoid Them.

Larry James is available for one-on-one personal relationship coaching by telephone. Click here for details.

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Frequently Asked Questions is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. In no way should any advice or opinions expressed on our site be considered as a substitute for professional counseling and treatment.

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